Thoughts

[Nikolas Rybar]

Sitting alone in my room and listening to Bl song.. I can not think of my memories. The wake up kids and funny the it is songs remind me of the big change in my life. Playing the fool is cool, but I think I just put my mask on... a mask of a joker.... I try to pretend my sadness, loneliness, emptiness. sometimes i wish not to reclaim the basic resources....I have never thought that It will be so difficult.... it is difficult especially cause my BL family is far from me.... I count the days that remind till we meet.... It seems so far...why is happening what is happenning? I am inable to get back in my old life.....I simply cant....Inside me is a war of Am and Fm....that make me sad.....I realize just nowadays that I dont have real friends next to me. The whole day being in house and just looking somewhere in the empty... that is the picture of me....I miss that cool time, being together, common dinners, playing the fool, safe space, hugs, love, friiendship.....Some days, I wish to cry and cry and cry.... but cant..... not that I am ashamed..... I just cant....what the hell is happening to me? .....I feel that I am loosing my belief in myself.... hesitating about my own abilities..... I mean I want to do my A levels from chemistry and biology but I am not sure that I will succeed and cause of that my dreams will never come true. I miss the US.... I just hope that I will someday be there again.... My foolish dreams about studying in the US are becoming more and more unreal....I have never thought that I will wish to hear Michael´s voice saying that magic word " workshop" ..... I wish to have worshops all day long :) .....I miss Brady´s wake up songs :( ..... Juraj´s playing the hero ...... save them all the time :( .....Mikie´s Balazs´s Richie´s Daniel´s plyaing the fools :( ...... Borka´s and Zsoka´s Andrea´s hugs :( ......and all that stuff that I received from all those guys :( .......I miss my host family :( ......I miss Robert, who gave me some handy tips, how to be opened, and helped me to change :( .....I miss the US BLs :( ....... I just hope that we will meet somewhere someday and we will be together again like a big family

[Michael Donahue]

Nikolas, first I am sorry I was unable to chat with you the other day. If only you would have seen me a bit earlier. . . I can sense you are lonely and feeling out of sorts. You have chosen a big task, teaching the children English, yet you are a bridge for them, a light and an opportunity. Who could ask for more? You teach English, you can do it with Slovak or Hungarian. What a gift you are ot people. As is that joker that resides with you! Yes, a mask, yet nothing bad or wrong about that! Imagine the joy it brings to the children.

As for going back. . .well young man, nobody can go back even if they do not understand what is going on like you. You are simply awake! And stop fiddling with the radio. . .just play and change the channel as needed. . .do what you need to do and keep your head up! Look people in the eyes, share yourself and keep taking a possibility walk. It is a big world and you will see most of it and if you don't well it is in the eyes of children!

All the love, missing you and I can't wait to hear about you all getting together, again!

BE BOLD!

Michael

[Eva Didiasova]

niky you should know that i love your mask of joker cuz everytime when i was sad after our trip you made a smile on my face ....
Miss you darling and looking forward for hug which you promised me :D ..and about your dream to study in USA will come true cuz you deserve it ...u deserve all love and happines in this world
You are strong man you know how how amazing you are
i know all this feelins...i feel the same but i know that one day it will be better .......
Love you

[Cody Michael Broncucia]

Nick, I totally know how you are feeling-I felt that way myself when I returned home from Europe and Washington D.C . Don't try to get your old life back, accept that you have changed and nothing will every be the same. That is also true in our daily lives, with our feelings, thoughts, emotions, likes, dislikes, friends, life is so impermentant and nothing ever remains the same. No one said you would go back home and because of the things you learned life would be easier. Life will still be as challenging and as uncertain as before but now, with you new knowldge, you will be equiped to deal with those challenging circumstances. With your A levels, take them, in life you will never truly know but you can't let the thought of faliure stop you. If you never do you will surley fail-take a chance. You have a wealth of knowldge from bold leaders, a college degree in "life" and the human language. You have had life changing expirences and you know life changing information ( AM-FM, perspective box, basic human resources, lyrics from songs, ect.) All that is extremely valuble, but if you over think it and try to use every thing we learned every day or try to be a " perfect bold leader" you wll never meet your expectations. I love a song by Coldplay, its title is " Viva la Vida" it means " live life". Nick, simply live life-that is all you have to do. Play and participate 100%, take chances and when you do fail remember or you get down remember that you are human-humans fail. And by the way, the world is flat. I could be in Slovakia in under a day. I will see you in the States when you attend college here. Viva la Vida!!!

Cody