Stanislavski

[Alex Wood]

Stanislavski Method: The system is the result of Stanislavski's many years of efforts to determine how a human being can control in performance the most intangible and uncontrollable aspects of human behavior, such as emotions and artistic inspiration...The system is based around an actor being "in the moment" but always staying one step away from complete belief.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanislavski_Method)

The Stanislavski Method is not one we use often in our acting class, but days like today when we all need to blow off a little steam, it's one of those oh-too-personal things that, for some people, gets everything out in the open and out of the way. I don't see it as much of an acting technique, but it provides space for a person to feel so vulnerable, so afraid, so happy, so utterly human. It's a beautiful process of dealing with pure emotion. The emotion is often attached to one memory, one fear, but you deal with it as fear in general. Then you face that fear, head on and tackle it, returning to a place without fear where you can calm yourself. And slowly you begin to move to your happy place.

"Keep walking and just listen to the sound of my voice. Imagine a fear. It can be any fear, of any amount of substance. From a physical thing to an idea. Feel that fear inside your body. Imagine how it changes the way you breathe, your walking pattern. Do not try to avoid it, do not try to comfort yourself. Purposefully change the pattern in which you walk: remind yourself of the present."

Letting fear consume you so entirely is not something many truly experience. As humans we either avoid it, or try to relieve ourselves from that fear without fully dealing with it and experiencing it first. But recognizing it: that is something almost beautiful. A point when you realize just how human you are. Just how uncomplicated life is. It really all comes down to those emotions that we face every day. Those emotions we cope with throughout our lives. One may consider letting fear overwhelm you too dangerous: how could you ever come back from that? But it's just the opposite. Letting it live in you allows you to come back. It's when we push it away time and time again that it never goes away. Because all we're really doing is allowing it to fester deep within, and we're only really pushing away the realization that it lives in us, not the fear itself.

I let the fear live inside me. Memories floating through my head, thoughts of horrible things running through my brain, but soon, the thoughts and the memories were not what I was experiencing. Soon it became just the emotion that I felt in every inch of my body. What I was afraid of and why was entirely irrelevant. I was just experiencing it. I could feel it in my toes, in my eye lashes. The way I got this horrible aching in the center of my chest. The way I felt I couldn't breathe. How my pace began to slow, slower and slower. I no longer noticed what other people were doing or how the fear affected them. It was just me and my fear.

"When you're ready, when you've let the fear live inside you, I want you to slowly make your way upstage past the mid-traveler. Past the mid-traveler is where your fear lies. Once you're there: you MUST face this fear. You MUST let it consume you. Let it consume you to the point where you can no longer imagine a way out. Then, when you're ready, stand right in front of it and stomp on it, scream at it, cry at it, just get rid of it. Do NOT come back until I allow you to."

Letting the fear consume me was almost more scary than my fear itself. Because, essentially, that's what my greatest fear comes down to: not being able to pick myself up. But, with the knowledge that acting and being human is about committing to whatever you do, I sat there and let my fear consume me. I let it live in my chest. In my body. Away from my mind. It was a presence that could not or would not be avoided. My body was convulsing, I felt out of control. Then, without even thinking, I began to fight back. I started to tell myself that I would not give up, that I would keep going, that more was in store for me. So, I stood up. Screaming and stomping, I got to a point where I was so broken, where I had fought so hard, yet the fear had not come out yet. It was still there. Slowly I began to walk slower, concentrate. I had the thought, "That is not who I am. That is not who I am." And I was overwhelmed by a feeling of KNOWING who I am. Truly KNOWING. Slowly more and more thoughts came into my mind, "I am a strong, intelligent, motivated, caring person. I can face this. I can learn to move on."

"When you're ready, when you've let go of that fear, kicked it away, make a deliberate decision to cross back downstage past the mid-traveler. But once you're here, you are not afraid, you have moved away, and you begin to recover."

I stood at the invisible mid-traveler line, my toes just on the breech of recovery. I looked back at where my fear was, and I took that step moving on. Just one step. With a smile on my face. As everyone else in the class faced their biggest fears and crossed the line, we began our recovery process. Doing what we needed to do to make ourselves completely separate from that feeling. Slowly, I moved to my happy spot. The place where I left my happiest memory and I lived it all over again. All the perfection and brilliance and simplicity of being truly and utterly happy.

"As you experience your happy moment, go back to the mid-traveler and look at the place where you dealt with fear. Laugh at it, smile at it, spite it. Don't go back there, but remember what it was like and know what it feels like now."

As I walked to the mid-traveler, I took a moment to think about what made me so afraid, I reflected for a long time about what fear really is. It just seemed so silly. It seemed so ridiculous that I could be so incredibly happy and just after dealing with that fear. Dealing with the fear wasn't attached to a specific fear, it was just the simplicity of fear. And dealing with it, however terrible it was, was one of the most rewarding experiences. I felt cleansed as I stood before the mid-traveler. I felt joy reaching through every inch of my body, reminding me how easy it is to experience. How easy it is to put yourself in a mindset where nothing could be better than that moment. And I laughed at my fear. Laughed and laughed and laughed. Until I was nearly in tears. Until all of us were so loopy that we were dancing, falling over, tickling each other, kissing each other with complete joy. How free I felt!

After laughing at my fear, I looked at the people still struggling so much, still unable to cross downstage. While everyone else was preparing for more exercises to separate from all the bad energy they had felt, I realized that what I WANTED was to go help those people. It wasn't a feeling of obligation. At all. I realized what servant leadership really is. It was a feeling of love. I remembered something my mom told me a while back, "You should be proud of your capacity to love." I realized in that moment, just how much I did love. How much I loved everyone, whether I was close to them or not. I felt so proud to be the person that I am. And with that pride, I walked over to my friend Jake, who was hiding in the curtains, sat next to him, and rested my head on his shoulder. For a while, I was just there. I just wanted him to know that I cared about him. Because all those attempts to help people and to push them, they all really show how much you care. He didn't need coaching. He was obviously doing that in his own head.

After we sat for a while, he started to explain a little what was going on, but he got nervous that I would be judging him and started to say that he would get up so that I didn't have to sit with him. I didn't let him get up for those reasons, and instead just re-situated myself next to him. Then I told him Michael's story about happiness. Making a declaration to myself the whole time, I AM HAPPY. And as I finished the story, Jake stood up, helped me up, and we walked past the mid-traveler.

I can hardly describe how at peace I am right now. I am just so in love with the world. With happiness. And as I sit typing this blog, I remember the difficulty of ridding myself of fear, but the amazing reward at the end. And I remembered how WORTHWHILE it was to go through that immense pain. I remembered how wonderful life is. And that, in itself, was tackling my worst fear.

After my acting class, my day just continued to be wonderful. I don't believe that it was fated to be a wonderful day. I believe I made it a wonderful day. Just through being so open to life and happy. My joy only brought more joy. More beauty.

What could be better, simpler, than bringing happiness into your own life?

[Cody Michael Broncucia]

Alex that was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I realized while reading this that fear, like any other basic human resourse, is something we need to get in touch with. Thanks.

Love you,
Cody