I'm in love with you guys....

[MaShawn Searcy]

so....TORI'S SLEEPOVER WAS AMAZING!...I'm not gonna go in to detail of what exactly we did....but I was so excited to be going in the first place...with how crappy September was for me, I desperately needed to be around you guys....and the fact that Tori decided to open her house up to us, was so sweet, because she just wanted the house to feel homey and and have her friends there....but anyways....I want to thank Gianinia, Gianina's brother, Cody, Anita, Akeem, and of course Tori....for being there....I know we would have wanted more Boldleaders to come...but I feel like the people that did come were the people that needed to be there....it was perfect with just us, and we missed the absense of everyone else....I enjoyed the love I felt the entire night....I dont know if its because I feel fragile all of a sudden...or maybe I am just feeling softened by how things are going in my life....but being able to sit up all night and talk with you guys till 5AM was so special to me....I felt like everyone in that room was there for me and I was there for them....I'm already missing you guys right now...and its kind of like...

when I'm around you amazing people, I feel like I'm high off of life....but when I'm away and dealing with my life alone, I feel like I'm forced to face it sober, and deal with the pain. Its a feeling I cant describe...I've never had friends that made me feel this loved....

and Tori is like my sister....I would do anything for her (within reason) LOL...because she's just that awesome "ride or die" chick to me....and Akeem is like my brother...we can talk about anything....joke about anything...or complain about anything....I love him like a brother...Anita is my cosmic sister...I feel so connected to her, and that we can have a conversation without saying any words....we just already know...and Cody is like my inspiration....I know he's often unsure of himself, but the coaching never stops....I love to hear the words that come out of his mouth...and Gianina is like the yin to my yang...we are so different but so much alike...and we often clash....but as I said last night...theres something deep we share, but I just dont know what it is yet...but when I figure it out...its going to be amazing....until then, I guess we'll just keep being who we are....LOL.....

anyways...I'm rambling....but yeah....I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders after last night...and I poured my cup out....I got some perspectives that I'll carry with me for a while...and I just know that I have friends who love me no matter how rude I can be,or how sarcastic I am....that they love me for me...I'm only liked by a few and misunderstood by many....but that few who can see past my face and my sharp tongue will find that I am who I am...you either take it or leave it.....so.with that said....I think last night was the first time I actually felt "safe-space" from everyone in that room....I hope everyone else felt as good as I did, because it has left a lasting impression on me, even though I'm at home now and I'm feeling like falling back into "irritated mashawn".....I'm going to carry that positive energy with me as long as I can.....

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!

----MaShawn

[Akeem Rashard Moore]

Love you to MaShawn big time!!! We need to hang out again and catch up on what has been going on lately it has been FAR to long since I've had some down time with you guys

[MaShawn Searcy]

....I totally agree with you Anita....I think my character is in transition also....I feel different....(like I said...we are cosmic sisters)....LOL...

[Anita Annan]

Thank you so much mashawn I felt the same way its weird I never thought I could love so many people so much its out of character for me, but my character is in transition at this time. Anyway thanks I want to see everyone soon no exuses. I love you Mashawn

[MaShawn Searcy]

...I love you Delfina...and I hope to see you before Thanksgiving or at least christmas...I miss you...

[Delfina Meza]

I am glad to hear that you all ahd a good time
i would have loved to be there
but you know that no matter what i am always here
as well
iyour words are really SOMETHING mashawn
and yes your pesimistic side is there
and i know behind it all there is that shinig light that reflects into the outside
i love you and i hope we can see each other soon
p.s. my phone is kind of not workin ever since i threw it so
i figured my messages dont go through but i will make sure i text you as soon as it's fixed

[Cody Michael Broncucia]

Mashawn, you gave as much as you got. I love you, you sarcastic attitude, your jokes, thoughts, crazy expressions but most of all the love you give, and I know all that other stuff is just another way for you to show you love:) Always, always, always, always know I have your back no matter what and so does every other bold leader. hey, by the way we had the best worst hidding place ever, we blended in like the natural terrain, LOL!!
Love you and dont go on a massive coffee binge, you will get through monday,
Cody

[Gianina Horton]

Read it and DITTO on ALL of it! I believe we all needed that yesterday and VERY early this morning (5AM WTF! ;-D). Tori wanted her place to feel like home AND IT DID. I have to say, that was the first time I felt it. Everything. Your words hit home girl they hit home. Love you!