Contemplation

[Gianina Horton]

I think I am ready to finally declare safe space.
I have never agreed to it. I am sure you will remember; I was the person sitting on the floor in our hostel in Poland when everyone else shook each others hands and looked into each others eyes agreeing to the safe space concept. When those who tried to hug me, I said no. I do not regret my desision at the time but I do realize it gave me the opportunity to still be distant to others. I think, I did share some of me with the group but never enough for anyone to see me; the one behind my barriers.
I will admit, that admitting a fault is hard for me. I find it easy to sit here and write, then possibly discuss it in person. I am going to keep debating if I should or should not except safe space. I don't know if I will be ready when the time comes but I have always done things at the spur of the moment. Don't push it on me. I don't like when people try to force things out of me, however, sometimes that is the key for me to unlock.
So, I will have to see.
(I believe I just went around in circles in this blog....)

[andrea eleanor godshalk]

Gianina,

It was nice to read your post because I have been reflecting on Safe Space lately. Michael talks about how trust is not something people earn, it is just something you chose to give. I have been challenged by this lately and it has been interesting to observe that safe space is a fluid thing. In some circumstances with people you know and love it often flows easily. And then in other circumstances where you are at your growing edge near your fears with new people you haven't shared as much time and space with it can be more difficult to be safe space. Different circumstances to play in.

What I really like about your post is that you said, "I do realize it gave me the opportunity to still be distant to others." That is so insightful of you to point out what not being safe space allowed you to continue to do. That you get something out of being distant with others. What I am working on observing with myself is when is the benefit of being distant smaller than the benefit of being open ~ of playing in safe space. I guess that's when we give up the mask.

Another thing I have realized about safe space, most specifically having someones back, is that when I am safe space I am making a declaration that I have my own back as well. By having my own back I am able to trust myself as I go forward into all the unknown possibilities and that helps me be open to others.

Thanks for you post and your wisdom.

Andrea

[Michael Donahue]

yes, like a dog chasing it's tail, not knowing it has a tail, yet I think your words are right on, your sentiments real, and needed. Safe Space is not up to anyone else beyond you. It does not exist anywhere in the world and challenge all who claim it does! It only lies on the tip of your tongue and in the dynamic integrity of your actions. yes, people can declare they are safe for you, and then it is up to them to honor their own words! (All we have for the grave time) , AND you have a choice if to play or not. There is no force in play., only play. And you can only be a player when playing, and if not. . .well a fan at best or a critic when not able to be a fan.

And YOU can be safe space for others. i have witnessed it!

Spur of the moment may not be so true for you. . .only when needed. . . I have found you to be strong, independent, thoughtful and loving. A real player. Keep it up and keep being BOLD! And most of all, PLAY and blog away!