Dialogue Tip of the Month
I get these through a newsletter I subscribe to from the Institute of the Common Good at Regis University in Denver. This one seemed appropriate, especially as you practice your Third-Sider role...
David Kantor, a family systems psychologist who has taught at Harvard and other
major universities, developed a tool very useful for participants and facilitators
of dialogue. Kantor describes this tool, the Four-Player System, as having four
roles played in a healthy group or family, not necessarily by the same person at
all times. The four roles are move, follow, bystand and oppose. Bill Isaacs, one
of the leaders in the field of dialogue and founder of Dialogos International, LLC,
defines the positions in the following way in his book, Dialogue: The Art of
Thinking Together:
• A mover intends direction, discipline, commitment, perfection and
clarity but sometimes comes across as omnipotent, impatient,
indecisive, scattered and dictatorial.
• An opposer intends courage, integrity, correction, protection and
survival but sometimes comes across as critical, complaining,
blaming, attacking and contrary.
• A follower intends completion, compassion, loyalty, service and
continuity but sometimes comes across as placating, indecisive,
pliant, wishy-washy and over-accommodating.
• A bystander intends perspective, patience, preservation, moderation
and self-reflection but sometimes comes across as disengaged,
judgmental, deserting, withdrawn and silent.
It is important to look past the initial negative
connotations that the positions may
have and look for the genuine intentions. In
a healthy conversation, all four roles are
played and provide a balance. No role is
left out and participants are free to transition
from role to role. Awareness of the roles
during a dialogue can offer an understanding
that can allow for a greater ability to suspend
judgment as, according to Isaacs, “we can learn to
set aside our reactions to the noise of another’s
communication and listen for what it is they are really
trying to say.”
The next time you are in a conversation, attempt to become aware of the four
player system. Is there a person moving the conversation at a given time?
Is there someone opposing that movement? Are you providing the perspective or
silence of a bystander? Are you contributing the compassion or loyalty of a
follower? You might also wonder about what role tends to irritate you. Do you
perceive another or yourself as acting judgmentally, wishy-washy, blaming,
complaining or indecisive? And if so, what positive role might that be playing in
the conversation?
David Kantor, a family systems psychologist who has taught at Harvard and other
major universities, developed a tool very useful for participants and facilitators
of dialogue. Kantor describes this tool, the Four-Player System, as having four
roles played in a healthy group or family, not necessarily by the same person at
all times. The four roles are move, follow, bystand and oppose. Bill Isaacs, one
of the leaders in the field of dialogue and founder of Dialogos International, LLC,
defines the positions in the following way in his book, Dialogue: The Art of
Thinking Together:
• A mover intends direction, discipline, commitment, perfection and
clarity but sometimes comes across as omnipotent, impatient,
indecisive, scattered and dictatorial.
• An opposer intends courage, integrity, correction, protection and
survival but sometimes comes across as critical, complaining,
blaming, attacking and contrary.
• A follower intends completion, compassion, loyalty, service and
continuity but sometimes comes across as placating, indecisive,
pliant, wishy-washy and over-accommodating.
• A bystander intends perspective, patience, preservation, moderation
and self-reflection but sometimes comes across as disengaged,
judgmental, deserting, withdrawn and silent.
It is important to look past the initial negative
connotations that the positions may
have and look for the genuine intentions. In
a healthy conversation, all four roles are
played and provide a balance. No role is
left out and participants are free to transition
from role to role. Awareness of the roles
during a dialogue can offer an understanding
that can allow for a greater ability to suspend
judgment as, according to Isaacs, “we can learn to
set aside our reactions to the noise of another’s
communication and listen for what it is they are really
trying to say.”
The next time you are in a conversation, attempt to become aware of the four
player system. Is there a person moving the conversation at a given time?
Is there someone opposing that movement? Are you providing the perspective or
silence of a bystander? Are you contributing the compassion or loyalty of a
follower? You might also wonder about what role tends to irritate you. Do you
perceive another or yourself as acting judgmentally, wishy-washy, blaming,
complaining or indecisive? And if so, what positive role might that be playing in
the conversation?
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Albanian Arabic Bulgarian Catalan Chinese (Simplified) Chinese (Traditional) Croatian Czech Danish Dutch English Estonian Filipino Finnish French Galician German Greek Hebrew Hindi Hungarian Indonesian Italian Japanese Korean Latvian Lithuanian Maltese Norwegian Polish Portuguese Romanian Russian Serbian Slovak Slovenian Spanish Swedish Thai Turkish Ukrainian Vietnamese
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